Good News!

Dear Friends,

     I'm posting this here at the top because it's a very significant development and I want you all to see it first.

     My long wait to return to an independent living arrangement will soon be over. My Disability benefits have been approved and I am now receiving a very comfortable income. All I'm waiting for now is my back pay which will allow me to move into a new residence and acquire a few of the latest high speed computers that will significantly speed up the process of generating new graphic creations. I want to do more animation work and the new systems will help me tremendously.

     Once again, I extend my most sincere thanks to you all for your interest and compliments on my work. Sharing my creations with you is a major reason I create. ;-)

     Also, I recently earned a Ham (Amateur Radio) license. My call sign is WA2WL (Amateur Extra). So far I only have equipment to communicate on the 2 Meter (144 MHz) and 70 Centimeter (440 MHz) bands. I'm usually talking on a local Staten Island, New York, USA linked repeater system (KC2CIG-R) maintained by NYCRA (New York City Repeater Association) that is accessible on the Internet via Echolink (United States, Area 2). Hams around the world are free to connect and say Hello. If I'm on the air I'll be happy to talk to you. If I'm not there are usually some really nice people on the repeater that would be happy to make your acquaintance. 73s to you! ;-)

January, 2010

Dear Friends,

     Thank you so much for visiting my online digital art gallery. All images here, although copyrighted, are freely available for download and most are of an adequate size to be used as desktop backgrounds. All I ask is that you respect my rights as the creator of these images and not try to make money from them.

- Important fact -

I am the original Spektyr. I created the name in the 1970s. I've been using it on the Internet since before the general public knew there was an Internet. Anyone else who uses this name is a copycat. I just want to set this straight now in case there is any confusion about it.

          I'm a 51 year old homeless disabled recovering alcoholic male with over five years continuous sobriety. Early in 2003, after a 22 year career as a telecommunications and computer technician, I became unemployed due to downsizing resulting from a corporate scandal. This loss combined with the lingering trauma from the attacks of 9/11/2001, during which I was at my job just 4 blocks away from the south tower, I essentially gave up on life and crawled the rest of the way into the bottle I’d been regularly using as a refuge from a generally unsatisfying life. It wasn’t until the the end of 2004, when I became sure I was going to become homeless, that I chose the path of hope and reached out for help. With the help of Project Hospitality here in Staten Island, NY, I never had to spend a day on the street. Their Recovery Program literally saved my life and helped me build the necessary skills to avoid relapse. My councilor, Mr. Michael Squeglia, went the extra mile to encourage and support me in my struggle to escape the abyss of alcoholism. I literally owe him my life.

      I also owe my life to the spiritual teaching known as Eckankar. Through it, with the help of all the wonderful friends I've made among its followers who have given me so much understanding and support, I found my way out of the darkness.

     It’s been a long and sometimes difficult four years since I entered recovery, during which I started to explore my creativity as a self administered form of therapy. Now I’ve grown to love my art and it’s one of the things I live for. I can no longer work due to severe spinal and arthritic problems so I’m in the process of obtaining my Social Security Disability benefits, which is proving to be quite a battle. My physical disabilities often make it difficult for me to sit at my computers to create new images but it is a labor of love for me and I do all I can to endure the discomforts. I prefer to share my work freely rather than ruin the joy I get from it by asking for payment. At this point in my life all I want is a home of my own and better equipment/software to help me further evolve my creativity. Even though any possible income I can gain from my creative pursuits would be of great help I do not desire fame and fortune. I just want to create beauty and share it with as many people as I can. I hope you enjoy what you see here as much as I enjoyed creating it. I add new images as often as I can so come back once in a while to view my new work. Thank you again for visiting. ;-)

Sincerely,

William "Spektyr" Laskorski

Update:

     Here we are on the second 'Friday the 13th' of 2009, a triple year (it falls three times). With what's happening on the financial front it may be safe to say that this is a particularly unlucky year . . . and we're only less than three months into it. Are any of you out there as nervous as I am about this mess?

     Having gotten that point of concern out of the way I think it's time for me to give you all an update on my situation so far.

     I'm still sober and living a clean life. It's a little over 4 years since I entered recovery and, to be honest, I still have urges to go out and pound down a few beers. Luckily I’m too terrified of the results such a careless surrender to temptation would bring about so I ignore the urges. I won't try to fool myself into thinking this battle will ever completely stop. Dealing with clinical depression at the same time . . . some of you may be able to imagine what it's like. It's going to be 'one day at a time' as they say.

     I'm still technically homeless even though I have a roof over my head, courtesy of ‘Beacon of Hope’ – a non-profit housing program for MICA(Mentally Ill, Chemically Addicted) patients here in Staten Island, NY. I'm still waiting for our messed up bureaucracy to get off their butts and give me my disability benefits. This time I have a good doctor supporting me and a lawyer representing me but I've been waiting over a year for a hearing date so I can face the judge and tell him once more that my spinal problems and arthritic joints would make working torture at the very least. The bottom line is that no employer is going to consider hiring a guy my age (51), much less one who may wind up bedridden without warning and unable to work. No matter how much they try to avoid granting me the benefits I'm entitled to I won't give up on it. The waiting is hard though. I've never been the most patient man on this planet and this is testing my patience to its very limits.

     Lucky for me I still have my creativity to sustain me, although my equipment is so old and tired it's getting unreliable. I've been waiting for the retroactive payment on my benefits so I can buy some of the latest graphics systems but I'm worried that these old ones will fail completely before then and I'll have nothing to create with. This is my greatest fear right now. The only other thing I can do is save some of my allowance and buy one or two surplus business computers (probably faster than the ones I have now LOL). I don’t want to end up without the only outlet that helps me cope with my presently troubled situation.

     One bit of positive news, three of my submitted images have made it to the final round of judging for inclusion in Ballistic Publishing’s EXPOSÉ, an annual book showcasing the finest digital art from around the world. I came close with one image last year. This year I have three in the running. I will definitely post an announcement on my Lobby page if one or more images are accepted for publication.  

     I guess that’s all for now. Rest assured that I will continue posting my creations here as long as I’m able. Once again I’d like to thank all of you for your interest in me and my art. If I had no one to share it with there would be no point in creating it. Enjoy! :-)

With gratitude,

William “Spektyr” Laskorski

March, 2009

     The results on this year's EXPOSÉ edition are in and none of my entries were selected. I'm getting the impression that my work is too unorthodox to fit into today's definition of Art. In my humble opinion a lot of my work is a whole lot more attractive than some of the works that are accepted, and even celebrated, in the Abstract genre. Oh well. There's always next year. Then again, perhaps it's better if I don't get published. I'd prefer pleasing you, my small global audience, than those who think their oppinions define what should be accepted as Art. ;-)

March, 2009

     I think it's time I post a proper biography so here it is. Here's who I really am and what I'm really all about.

     I was born in Bronx, New York, February 24, 1958 - a full month early. I was the victim of a premature placental detachment and was in critical condition upon birth. The doctor told my parents I wouldn't survive the night. The fact that I am alive today proves the doctor was wrong but the medical profession didn't know as much then as it does today so I don't fault the doctor back then for his erroneous diagnosis. Keep in mind that medical treatment back then was equally primitive. I was placed in an incubator and left to live or die. Fortunately the human species is an exceptionally hearty and resilient one, especially in the infant stage, so my survival doesn’t justify being called a ‘miracle child’ but that’s what I was seen as back then. Go figure.

     I was the middle child in a family of 3 boys and an all but incurable daydreamer. I would drift off into another world at will when I was bored and that happened a lot in my early school years. I would go into trances so deep that the teacher would have to physically shake me to bring me out. They thought I had some kind of neurological problem as a result of my difficult birth but the truth is that they were just boring me so much that I preferred my daydreams. There was also the fact that I found life in this 'reality' disturbing and used daydreams as an escape. I was also diagnosed with ADD, Dyslexia and Clinical Depression, conditions I've learned to live with but are still a source of frustration for me. I can no longer daydream at will and the loss of this ability pains me to this day. I fully acknowledge that the loss of this 'talent' was necessary because I would still be using it to escape reality. I've also suffered from Hypegiaphobia (Fear of Responsibility) most of my life, a serious contributor to my addiction nightmares. Of course I lived in denial of my neurological and psychological deficits until I was forced to face them all head on back in 2005. I think it's amazing I didn't self destruct. I have a few strengths that offset my weaknesses, to be sure. I have an amazingly potent imagination which I've been reluctant to fully utilize, in writing fiction for example, because I'm terrified that I wouldn't be able to handle the fame that could possibly result from a series of best sellers. We've all seen what this can do to people and I'd just as soon avoid it. I'm taking enough of a risk with this gallery but I need to have a purpose and that outweighs the risk. My emotions are also extremely powerful, which in some ways can be viewed as a strength. I consider true friendship to be the most sincere expression of love and I wouldn't hesitate to give my life for someone I consider to be a true friend. That level of loyalty is extremely rare in this world, IMHO. Lastly, I consider the search for the truth of our existence to be the primary purpose of our lives, not this pointless perpetually recursive rat race existence most people consider to be what life is all about.

    I don't see my education as all that impressive but considering the present school system in New York City . . . I guess I did pretty well. I attended St. Jude's Grammar School in Northern Manhattan and graduated in 1972. I then attended Cardinal Hayes High School in Bronx, NY and graduated with a New York State Regents Diploma in 1976. The high point of that stage of my education was being named an alternate on the Regents Scholarship Examination, which came as a complete surprise because I wasn't what you might call an 'Honors Student'. The only reason I can think of for my making the 'alternates list' was that I had no intention of attending college so I wasn't under any stress to do well on that 5 hour examination. Needless to say I was the object of scorn from more accomplished students who didn't score as highly as I did. The reason I had no plans for college was that during my studies at Cardinal Hayes I received my first experience with a computer, a Data General Corporation NOVA 2/10, what in that year passed for a 'Desk Top Computer' because it covered most of the top of a desk and stood about a foot high. It had a whopping 64K of Magnetic Core Memory, the first non-volatile memory technology, and used two ASR 33 teletype machines as terminals. It ran a primitive Basic programming language interpreter as an operating system and was my first experience in computer programming. I was hooked! My plan for after High School became a vocational course in 'Computer Technology. It turned out that during the summer of 1976 a full Regents Scholarship was passed down to me but I finally decided to attend Control Data Institute, a school that didn't accept Regents Scholarships. Oh well. Cutting to the chase here, I scored 97% on the complete course and placed #2 in a class of 30 students. I learned on a true second generation dinosaur mainframe system that filled a good sized room, a mass of transistors and diodes on 3" by 3" circuit cards interconnected by an intricate web of individual wires. Looking back at that oversized calculator I find it truly incredible how far computers have advanced in the passed 3 and a half decades. I made it a hobby to build computers and network them in my home. At one time I was running 12 systems 24/7 processing data for SETI . . . Hey! We can’t be the only sentient life in the galaxy, much less the Universe! If we are then I’d be most disappointed. ;-)

     My career history can be summed up as 25 years of experience in telecommunications and computers. Now that I look back on it I truly miss the endless hours of tedious wiring and equipment installation. It gave me a real sense of purpose and I don't feel at all like I'm bragging when I say I was an 'Expert'. The personal pride and satisfaction I experienced from a job well done made it worth the lack of recognition for it. The premature ending of my career after upper management committed an unforgivable - in my opinion - act of fraud is a wound that stubbornly refuses to heal. Now that I'm physically unable to perform those duties I feel deprived of a consistent purpose. If it wasn't for my creative inspirations that I'm now fully embracing, and the interest all of you have shown for it, my life would have no real purpose. That thought terrifies me more than anything, more than death itself, because if my life was without purpose I may as well be dead.

     All my life I've yearned for understanding, for a reason for my existence. All my life I’ve felt that the way people act and the way the society I’ve lived in operates seemed to be full of flaws. As time passed these flaws became more pronounced. Now the flaws have become so obvious I’m amazed that most people don’t see them, or actively ignore them. Unlike most of the humans I've encountered I'm unable to just conform to the majority and ignore these flaws in order to fit in. Perhaps the reason for this is my questioning nature and refusal to believe something just because someone tells me it's true. I prefer to reason things out on my own. I've noticed that a lot of people don't like it when their beliefs are challenged and some can become quite hostile over it. I've experienced an enormous amount of cruelty over the years and due to my emotional sensitivity I've endured more than my fair share of pain. Still, I've felt a need to 'belong' to a group, to be accepted. Every time I've tried I've either been rejected or have made the wrong choice, one that was self-destructive, all leading to my descent into alcoholism and drug abuse. What started as an attempt to 'fit in' resulted in my dependence upon a chemical escape from an existence that felt empty and futile. It all culminated in my eventual choice between life and death, the choice between reaching out for help and suicide, the choice between a difficult road out of the darkness into the light of an uncertain future and an easy surrender to a completely pointless end. The fact that you are reading this tells you that I chose the path out of darkness, to face all the difficulties that may come with it and all the possibilities that may result from it. I chose Life.

     My message to everyone reading this who find themselves facing a similar choice is this. It may appear that choosing life is the harder of the two choices but it is also the choice of hope. The future is a blank page full of unseeable potential. Choosing the ultimate escape of death brings the story of your life to an irrevocable end. Are you sure you want to cast aside the infinite possibilities of the unwritten page in favor of a tragic and meaningless end? My choice is the unwritten page with all its possibilities. My story is far from over.

     This is who and what I am. Some have found me to be an inspiration. This alone gives my life meaning. What is truly valuable in life? Riches? Possessions? Luxuries? I use to crave these things but now I'm happy just to have touched a few hearts, to have set a positive example, to have given the gift of a smile with my creativity. I could die right now and feel satisfied that I've done some good for this world. I'll be remembered as a man who gave of himself freely, a man who offered the world an inspiration and the unique beauty of his individual creativity, asking nothing in return. I may not be a celebrated artist but I have no need to be. All I need is meaning, purpose, acceptance for who I am and what I offer. As long as I've touched one heart I'll be remembered fondly.

Look at this:

This is the latest map of visitors to this gallery. It looks like I've touched at least a few hearts. :-)

With sincere gratitude to all visitors,

William "Spektyr" Laskorski

April 27, 2009